JUNE 17, 1930

Full News Archive

• Headline: Significant Naval Orders of 1930. Impact: The naval orders issued that day inadvertently set off decades of naval bureaucracy. Somewhere in a parallel universe, a paperclip shortage in the Navy resulted in the creation of a new species of sentient paperwork.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Naval Orders' could also mean 'Please, someone get us coffee before we drown in paperwork.'.
• Headline: Julian Lamar's Divorce Shakes Art World. Impact: Julian Lamar's divorce case sparked a nationwide movement for artist rights, leading to an annual 'Artists Deserve to Work in Peace' festival where attendees protest while painting abstract pieces of their exes.. Fact: Did you know that Reno is the place where dreams come true? Just ask all the artists who got divorced there!.
• Headline: TRINITY COLLEGE AWARDS.; Gives Seven Honorary and Fiftyone Academic Degrees.. Impact: The honorary degrees awarded that day inspired a new trend in academia: the 'Honorary Degree for Breathing,' which ultimately led to confusion during graduation ceremonies everywhere.. Fact: Did you know that honorary degrees are basically participation trophies for adults? How inspiring!.
• Headline: $125,000 GIFT TO U. OF N.H.; 50-Year Alumnus Is Donor--Robert Frost Gets Honorary Degree.. Impact: Robert Frost receiving an honorary degree for a $125,000 donation created a future where poets began to charge for their words, leading to the rise of 'Pay-to-Poet' services. The quality of poetry plummeted.. Fact: Did you know Robert Frost once said, 'Money can't buy happiness,' right before cashing that $125,000 check?.
• Headline: NEW HAVEN LINE OPENS FIGHT FOR BOAT LINES; Contends at Boston Hearing That Sound Traffic Does Not Suppress Competition.. Impact: The New Haven Line's fight against boat lines inadvertently led to the rise of a new wave of aquatic-themed reality TV shows, featuring dramatic boat races and questionable fashion choices.. Fact: Did you know that the New Haven Line's strategy meetings often included a game of 'Who Would Win in a Fight: A Boat or a Train?' Spoiler: they never reached a conclusion..
• Headline: SEE TARIFF LEADING TO BITTER FIGHT HERE; French Predict a Struggle to Finish Between "Babbitts and Owen D. Youngs." BOYCOTTS ARE ADVOCATED Economic Disarmament Parley Is Suggested to Prevent Ruinous Customs War. Conference Suggested. FRENCH SEE FIGHT DUE ON TARIFF HERE Doubtful of Boycott. Officials Refuse to Comment. Denies Canceling Copper Orders.. Impact: The tariff battle predicted by the French paved the way for a century of economic policies that would confuse generations, proving that when it comes to trade, everyone loses except the paperwork.. Fact: Did you know that boycotts often lead to more boycotts? It's like a game of economic Jenga, but nobody wants to play..
• Headline: LEAGUE ARMS PARLEY WON'T BE DELAYED; Washington Has Heard of No Plans to Postpone Session Set for November.. Impact: The League Arms Parley's determination not to delay led to a series of international negotiations that would eventually inspire the classic board game 'Diplomacy,' where alliances are as fragile as your last relationship.. Fact: Did you know that 'No Plans to Postpone' is political speak for 'We have no idea what we're doing, but let’s pretend we do!'.