JUNE 9, 1930

Full News Archive

• Headline: Lifer Freed by Mistake, Recaptured in Ruse. Impact: The mix-up in this prisoner's release might have inspired the creation of a new escape room franchise, where the ultimate twist is that you end up back in jail for not finding the right documents.. Fact: In some places, being 'freed by error' is just called 'being on vacation.'.
• Headline: German Industry Faces Severe Depression. Impact: This economic downturn may have led to a surge in DIY projects, resulting in an entire generation of people with questionable knitting skills and an unending supply of homemade potholders.. Fact: The term 'universal depression' sounds like a great name for a sad indie band..
• Headline: PLAN INQUIRY ON S O S THAT SILENCED REED; Federal Board to Investigate Silencing of Speech That Attacked "Radio Trust." DILL SUSPECTS FAKE CALL Second Mysterious S O S in 2 Nights Halts Broadcasting for 27 Minutes Here. PLAN INQUIRY ON S O S THAT SILENCED REED Seek to Learn More About S O S. Impact: This event likely paved the way for future conspiracy theories about 'fake news' and 'silenced voices,' leading to a never-ending cycle of online rants and hashtags.. Fact: If only they had used a different SOS code - maybe something like 'Taco Tuesday' - they might have avoided the whole mess!.
• Headline: 8 KILLED, 14 HURT IN AUTO ACCIDENTS; Heavy Toll of Sunday Crashes in Metropolitan Area and New Jersey. WOMAN KILLED IN CLOSTER Elizabeth Man Victim of Hit-andRun Driver--Two Boys inList of the Dead. Man Is Fatally Injured. Victim of Hit-and-Run Driver. Auto and Bus in Crash. Boy Dies From Injuries. Impact: This tragic event likely led to stricter traffic laws and a nationwide obsession with safety belts - because nothing screams 'life-saving' like being strapped into a metal box.. Fact: Car crashes are the leading cause of death for many, but on the bright side, they’ve given us the term 'road rage' - which is basically just a fancy way of saying 'I’m having a bad day.'.
• Headline: Dr. Ribourg Calls Ungodly Culture a Failure; Says Only Religion Can Produce Ideal Man. Impact: Dr. Ribourg’s declaration probably inspired a wave of idealist movements, resulting in many people trying to achieve 'perfection' through questionable means, like wearing socks with sandals.. Fact: In his quest for the 'ideal man,' Dr. Ribourg may have inadvertently inspired the modern dating app that matches you based on your level of spirituality..
• Headline: MERCHANTS SAY EGYPT LOSES BUYING COTTON; Government's $40,000,000 Outlay to Be Aired in Parliament--English Expert Named Aide.. Impact: The economic fallout of this cotton crisis likely contributed to the rise of sustainable fashion, leading future generations to wonder why anyone ever thought wearing cotton was a good idea.. Fact: Buying cotton is so 1920s; now we just buy overpriced organic cotton that has been blessed by a shaman..
• Headline: CHALMERS TO TAKE PULPIT HERE OCT. 1; Buffalo Pastor's Acceptance of Broadway Tabernacle Call Is Received. TO SUCCEED DR. JEFFERSON Is 34 Years Old and Will Receive $15,000 a Year--Declined at First, but Reconsidered.. Impact: Chalmers' acceptance of the pulpit probably sparked a new trend in church leadership, leading to a series of young, hip pastors who think wearing sneakers makes them relatable.. Fact: $15,000 a year for a pastor? They must be living large on the 'holy' salary - I guess the church is saving up for a new espresso machine..
• Headline: BROWN SEES NATION GROWING MORALLY; N.Y.U. Chancellor Measures the Gain by Greater Use of Money for Common Good. CALLS WEALTH A TOOL In Graduation Address to 3,000 He Urges Them to Put It in Proper Place in Relation to Human Values.. Impact: Brown's speech may have led to countless wealthy graduates donating their money to charity, only to realize that organizing a charity event is far harder than it looks - leading to an influx of awkward fundraising galas.. Fact: When they say 'money can’t buy happiness,' they clearly haven't seen the look on someone’s face when they find a $20 bill in an old coat pocket..