MARCH 7, 1930

Full News Archive

• Headline: Engineer Changes Ships Amid Family Crisis. Impact: The engineer's mid-ocean transfer sparked a series of events leading to the invention of the 'family reunion app' in 2030, which ultimately caused the decline of traditional family gatherings. Thanks a lot, Battam.. Fact: Income tax penalties are like that annoying relative who shows up uninvited to every family event..
• Headline: Ballot Fraud Accusations in Brazil Elections. Impact: Allegations of ballot stuffing in Brazil led to a global trend of 'political reality TV,' where voters could watch candidates stuff ballots live. Who knew politics could be so entertaining?. Fact: Accusing your opponent of cheating is basically political foreplay..
• Headline: Gov. Roosevelt to Become a Shriner.. Impact: Roosevelt's initiation into the Shriners sparked a secret society craze that peaked in the 1990s. Who would have thought that fraternal organizations could lead to more elaborate secret handshakes?. Fact: Joining the Shriners is just a fancy way of saying you're really into tiny cars and funny hats..
• Headline: ATTACK ON ALFONSO ASSAILED IN SPAIN; Conservative Party President and Jesuit Papers Call Monarch Personally Inviolate.. Impact: The defense of King Alfonso led to a series of royal soap operas in the early 21st century, where monarchs were rewritten as misunderstood heroes. The ratings were through the roof!. Fact: In Spain, defending a monarch is the equivalent of choosing sides in a royal family reality show..
• Headline: SPAIN'S IMPORTS FALL OFF.; Slump Affects Importing Claas, but Not Retailers.. Impact: Spain's import slump led to the rise of 'Do It Yourself' culture, where people started making their own goods at home, ultimately resulting in the explosion of Pinterest in 2010. Thanks, Spain!. Fact: When imports fall, DIY enthusiasts suddenly become the most popular people at parties..
• Headline: SENATE REGULARS PRESS TARIFF GAINS; Coalition, Beaten on Chemical Items, Will Fight Cement Duty Today. COPELAND LOSES ON CASEIN Plea That High Rate Would Aid Farmer Brings Attack by Blaine on Entire Bill. Both Parties Involved. Blaine Pleads for the Farmer.. Impact: The tariff battles in the Senate inadvertently inspired a whole generation of comedians, who turned dull political arguments into stand-up routines. Who knew tariffs could be so funny?. Fact: Senate debates are basically just glorified shouting matches—without the fun of a referee..
• Headline: SNAGS IN DRAFTING DELAY PACT REPORT; League Jurists Spend Day on Text Harmonizing Covenant and Kellogg Pact. CECIL MAKES RESERVATION He Says Nothing Has Been Done That Can Possibly Affect America's Pact Obligations. Sees All Nations Concerned. Japanese Stresses Difficulty.. Impact: Colonel Lindbergh's pony incident inspired a new trend of pet therapy, leading to an uprising of therapy animals in offices by 2025. The pony's revenge was swift and fluffy.. Fact: Being dragged by a pony is just horseplay gone too far—thankfully, Lindbergh was unhurt!.
• Headline: Col. Lindbergh Thrown by Pony; Dragged 25 Feet, but is Unhurt. Impact: The King's investiture ceremony sparked a trend in award shows, causing an explosion of 'celebrity' recognition events where everyone and their dog received a 'Participation Award.'. Fact: In the age of awards, everyone wants to feel special—even if they just showed up..
• Headline: KING HOLDS INVESTITURE.; Ninety Receive Awards at Private Ceremony in London..