JANUARY 16, 1930

Full News Archive

• Headline: Independents Unite Against Taxi Control Bill. Impact: This grassroots movement against the taxi bill sparked a chain reaction that ultimately led to the invention of ride-sharing apps, where we now get to decide if we want to ride with a stranger or walk three miles in the rain.. Fact: Funny how taxi drivers are fighting against regulation, yet we still have that one guy in the backseat who thinks he’s a comedy genius. Spoiler: he’s not..
• Headline: Ten Years of Prohibition Celebrated. Impact: Ten years of prohibition led to speakeasies and jazz music, which in turn made it absolutely necessary for future generations to invent the concept of 'brunch'. Thanks, prohibition!. Fact: Celebrating ten years of prohibition? How about we celebrate ten years of people finding creative ways to hide their booze instead?.
• Headline: WARFIELD IS RECOVERING.; News of Operation on Actor Three Weeks Ago Is Just Revealed.. Impact: Had Warfield not undergone that operation, he could have starred in a blockbuster that would have saved cinema from decades of mediocrity. Instead, we got a lot of remakes.. Fact: Surprise! An actor having surgery is about as shocking as finding out that Hollywood loves sequels. Spoiler alert: they do..
• Headline: Gets Chile Telephone Concession. Impact: This telephone concession paved the way for the global telecommunications boom. Little did they know, it would eventually lead to the invention of telemarketers invading our dinner time.. Fact: The Chile Telephone Co. sounds fancy, but it's basically just a group of people making sure you can hear your friend yell about the latest celebrity gossip from 3,000 miles away..
• Headline: PERMITS DELAYS IN TAX RETTURNS; Revenue Commissioner Says Time Extension Up to Six Months May Be Granted.. Impact: This regulation set the precedent for procrastinators everywhere, leading to a global epidemic of last-minute tax filing accompanied by existential crises.. Fact: Delaying taxes is basically the adult version of hiding under your blanket when you don't want to deal with life. Spoilers: it doesn’t work..
• Headline: OPIUM SEIZED IN RAIDS.; Chinese Restaurant Owner and Cashier Held--5 Arrested in Apartment.. Impact: This raid contributed to the ongoing narrative of the 'War on Drugs', ultimately leading to a very complicated discussion about addiction that politicians still awkwardly avoid.. Fact: The irony of raiding a restaurant for opium is that most people just wanted to enjoy their dim sum without a side of drama..
• Headline: Gibson in London for Parley.. Impact: Gibson's trip to London for a parley may have seemed insignificant, but it unknowingly set off a series of diplomatic meetings that would eventually lead to the invention of international snacks.. Fact: Ah, the classic parley: where diplomats gather to hash out important issues while secretly hoping for complimentary pastries..