JANUARY 5, 1930

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Marin Water-Colors Exhibition. Impact: The introduction of new watercolors led to a surge in artistic expression that eventually inspired a generation of painters to create really bad abstract art. Thanks, Botzaris.. Fact: Did you know that watercolor is often just a fancy way of saying, 'I ran out of time and used the first thing I found'?.
• Headline: Corporation Reports of 1930. Impact: The vague and uninformative corporation reports fostered a long-standing tradition of boring shareholder meetings, which are now a staple of corporate culture. It's like a sleep aid that pays you.. Fact: Corporate reports: the only place where 'exciting news' means a 0.5% increase in profits..
• Headline: Unsolved Blaze at the Capitol. Impact: The unsolved blaze in the Capitol not only sparked conspiracy theories about government cover-ups but also inspired countless low-budget horror movies about haunted buildings. Thanks for the nightmares!. Fact: Cigarettes have caused more fires than politicians have caused scandals. And that’s saying something!.
• Headline: YOUNG 'REDS' ASSAIL MEXICO AT EMBASSY; Twenty-eight Are Arrested by Capital Police, but Only Three Are Held. ENVOY ASKS THEIR RELEASE Request Is Made Through State Department as an "Act of Grace,"Inspired by Hoover. Bore Banners Assailing Hoover. Asks Release as "Act of Grace.". Impact: The young 'Reds' protesting against the Mexican government inadvertently set in motion a series of events that would lead to the world's most awkward diplomatic meetings. You know, the ones where no one knows how to sit.. Fact: Calling yourself a 'Red' during a protest probably sounded cooler than it is, like wearing a superhero cape to a job interview..
• Headline: PEOPLE ENRICHED BY AUTOMOBILES; Motor Vehicles Extend Horizons and Develop New Business--China and America Opposite Examples--Future Assured Impetus to New Business. In Other Lands. PEOPLE ENRICHED BY AUTOMOBILES How Many Will Wear Out?. Impact: As automobiles spread like wildfire, they also led to the birth of fast food, traffic jams, and the eternal question: 'Are we there yet?' A true gift to humanity.. Fact: The first drive-thru was invented so people could eat burgers without leaving their cars—because who has time for that?.
• Headline: 1929 DIVIDENDS RISE TO $4,462,019,234; New Record Set for Payments to Stockholders--Increases in Rates for Many. 1,064 EXTRA DISTRIBUTIONS 466 Disbursements of Stock and 66 Resumptions of Dividends Among Year's Actions. Dividends in November Railway Distributions. Other Increased Payments.. Impact: The record-setting dividends led to a stock market bubble that would eventually burst, causing panic and a bunch of angry investors who forgot to diversify. Spoiler alert: they didn't learn their lesson.. Fact: Dividends: the only time you can earn money while being completely clueless about what your stocks are actually doing..
• Headline: SCOTS HERE AID PAISLEY.; Clans Cable $500 for Relief of Fire Victims' Families.. Impact: The Scottish clans' generous donation for fire victims inadvertently set off a chain reaction of charitable giving that left every charitable organization in the world wondering why they hadn't thought of asking for money sooner.. Fact: Cabling $500 in 1929 is like sending a text today: it’s heartfelt, but you really should have sent more..
• Headline: ART'S 'LOST AND FOUND'. Impact: The discovery of 'lost and found' art pieces led to an increase in scavenger hunts that became the pinnacle of hipster culture. Art appreciation really took a turn for the absurd.. Fact: Finding lost art is like finding a sock in the dryer—surprising and not particularly useful..
• Headline: BUS LINES ALLEGE SMALL TOWN GRAFT; Legislative Commission Hears of Extortion by Politicians Before Granting Franchises.CHANGE OF LAW IS URGED Transit Officers Would Take FromCommunities the Right toBar Routes. Large Increase in Bus Lines. Cites Need of Inspectors.. Impact: The allegations of graft in small-town bus lines led to an increase in political cartoons featuring corrupt politicians—a lasting legacy that still haunts editorial pages everywhere.. Fact: Graft: the polite way of saying someone just pocketed your bus fare while you stood there confused..