APRIL 29, 2015

Full News Archive

• Headline: Cultural Heritage at Risk After Nepal Earthquake. Impact: As centuries-old temples crumble, a secret society of architects begins time-traveling to 'fix' history. They inadvertently create a new trend of 'temple chic' in the 22nd century, where ruins become the hottest real estate.. Fact: Did you know that some people believe that if you rebuild a temple with leftover pizza boxes, it enhances spiritual vibes? I guess Nepal is just ahead of its time in 'eco-friendly' restoration!.
• Headline: Baltimore Riots: A City in Turmoil. Impact: The aftermath of the riots becomes a pivotal moment, sparking a bizarre national trend where other cities start holding annual 'Neglect Festivals' to raise awareness. Spoiler: They just end up as food truck gatherings.. Fact: Fun fact: Baltimore's nickname is 'Charm City'—because nothing says charm like a riot. Who knew the city was so committed to its brand?.
• Headline: David Letterman's Farewell to Late Night. Impact: Letterman's departure causes a ripple effect where all late-night hosts suddenly grow beards and start wearing cardigans, leading to a decade-long 'grumpy uncle' aesthetic in comedy.. Fact: Did you know that for every late-night talk show host, there's a secret board that decides who gets to make fun of politicians? It's a very prestigious and entirely fictional position!.
• Headline: The 1990 N.F.L. Draft Class: Some Thrive, but Just as Many Struggle. Impact: The struggles of these players inspire a new reality show where former athletes must survive in the wild with only their charisma and a football. Spoiler: They mostly just argue over who gets to eat the last granola bar.. Fact: Did you know that being drafted into the NFL is statistically less likely than being struck by lightning while trying to catch a falling star? Just kidding, but it sure feels that way for the ones who don’t make it!.
• Headline: Jean Nidetch, a Founder of Weight Watchers, Dies at 91. Impact: Nidetch's passing opens a portal to an alternate universe where calorie counting is illegal, leading to a bizarre rise in muffin top fashion and spontaneous dessert parties across the multiverse.. Fact: Did you know that Weight Watchers originally started as a 'weigh-in' program for competitive eaters? Just kidding! But can you imagine the weigh-in drama? 'I swear I only had one slice of cake!'.