MARCH 16, 1993

Full News Archive

• Headline: Amersham Acquires US Biochemical Corporation. Impact: This merger set off a chain reaction in the biotech world, leading to a veritable arms race of enzyme innovation. Little did they know, it also resulted in more people using the word 'enzyme' at parties, leading to a spike in awkward silences.. Fact: Fun fact: For $69 million, you could buy a lot of enzymes or a lifetime supply of pizza. Guess which one would have made more friends?.
• Headline: Late Listings Endanger Rare Species More. Impact: This late listing not only accelerated the extinction of several species but also inspired a series of reality TV shows where people try to save animals at the last minute—because nothing says 'I care' like a dramatic countdown clock and a camera crew.. Fact: It turns out, waiting until the last minute to save endangered species is a lot like waiting until the last minute to study for a test—everyone knows it’s a bad idea, yet here we are..
• Headline: COLLEGE BASKETBALL; Dive Into This N.C.A.A. Pool With a Lifesaver. Impact: This innocent office pool not only fueled an obsession with college basketball but also led to a national crisis of productivity every March. Thanks to this, many employees now have a legitimate excuse for ignoring their work: 'I'm just doing my civic duty by filling out this bracket!'. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more predictable than office brackets is the inevitable debate over whether or not to include a play-in game? Spoiler: It always ends in tears..